I remember the day I realized that there was pain in the world. It was a Saturday, in the middle of the day, and I was about five years old. One of our two cockitail birds my mom and dad had as a pet had just died. I didn't understand the concept of death though. To me, it just looked like he was sleeping. My dad had to explain it to me. He wasn't very good at this stuff though... "He's dead Sarah. He's not coming back".
Me: "What?"
Dad: "Our bird, he's going to another world".
Me: "What?"
Dad: (Sighs) "Our pet bird is not alive anymore. He has passed on".
Me: "Uhh ohhh..."
Finally, I was starting to get it...
Dad: "I'm sorry..."
I didn't really know what to think, but I knew what happened wasn't good. Then I asked a stupid question. "Why did he die?"
Ask a stupid question, get a stupid answer. That's how it works. "Because everything and everyone has to die sometime".
That one put me into a fit of tears which I can only describe as the saddest moment of my life, the moment I realized when nothing could last, and everybody in the world whom I loved so much was going to die on me. Fuck.
That's the first time I remember ever really feeling pain. It sucked. Soon after that I discovered that pain happens to everyone. That sucked even more.
Ever since then I've tried to be really conscious of everyone's happiness, to prevent pain. I was, as Mahatma Gandhi said, trying to "be the change I wanted to see in the world". This was really simple when I was younger. All I had to do was be nice. So I was nice. It was easy. Then when I started getting older, I stopped caring quite so much. No one else cares, I thought. I kind of lost sight of what I wanted the world to be, let alone what I should do to make it happen. I started to grap the fact that there are a lot of shitty things going on, and I just didn't want to be bothered with them. But that feeling of sadness and guilt that you get whenever you do something wrong would would sweep over me constantly. It's not that I spent my teenage years being cruel or anything, but I could have been much nicer and a much better person in general. I might as well have been, for all the guilt I was experiencing all the time.
Then, I started college, and for the first time in my life I feel like I really started learning something. College has opened my eyes to so many things I didn't understand before. Not only stuff from my classes, but causes I didn't even know existed, and people I let change my life.
And I'm starting to see more and more things that are worth fighting for. I've never been a hardcore activist or anything, but I'm realizing that you really do need to "be the change you want to see in the world". For me, I'm realizing that it's not enough JUST to have an opinion. I need to stand up for it, and create change because nobody else is going to do it for me. I'll start small though, I'm new to this whole awareness thing after-all.
CHANGES I'M GOING TO MAKE:
+START RECYCLING MORE.
Right now I only recycle the bare minimum, which is ridiculous. There's no reason not to make more of an effort, it's really easy.
+REMEMBER TO VOTE
Not only the presidential elections, but read up on local elections so that I can have a say in what's happening around me.
+STAND UP FOR MYSELF
Often when people say something offensive, I stay quiet so that I don't piss anybody off. But I can be tactful and still voice my opinions.
+WATCH THE NEWS/ READ THE PAPER
I'm embarrassed how little I know about what's going on.
+TRY AND NOT SUPPORT STARBUCKS AND CLOTHING COMPANIES WHERE THEY USE SWEAT SHOPS
This one's going to be hard because I like my coffee, and I like my cheap clothes...
+CHOOSE A CAUSE A CONTRIBUTE
There are so many things in the world that need to be changed. This year I want to get involved in some sort of social movement that is important to me.
+BE A GOOD PERSON
Treat others the way I want to be treated. The golden rule.
+DRIVE LESS
I should start walking more anyways, I need the exercise.
Ok, I've said my piece for the day. My boyfriend would probably call me a hippie and never talk to me again after reading this spiel. Ok, it wouldn't be that dramatic, but the hippie part is defiantly true. Oh well, people can have different interests and still get along, right?
See you tomorrow!
Sarah
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